It seems that it’s been fashionable of late on Des Moines area blogs to discuss children in public, disciplining other people’s children, etc.
First, Katie Kunert calls another mom “tacky” when she loses her patience with her child in Target, then Kelly Moore talks about disciplining other people’s kids, at home as well as in public, prompting a whole stream of commentors who feel that it is their personal business to reprimand children who are strangers to them.
Regarding the “tacky” mom losing her patience, I did respond back to Katie that EVERY parent – every one – has had very bad days. Most of us have found ourselves yelling at our precious children in public, without meaning to. And I told her that I hope that other parents who witness her own freak-out will have empathy for her. I agree that yelling at your children in public is not really a desireable activity…but, yet, most of us have done it.
Regarding children behaving in public and the need some people feel to reprimand others’ children, I happened to be paging through Jan Hunt’s The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart this morning. I was struck particularly by the chapter titled Is There Room For Children In Our Society?
This harsh attitude toward children is most evident when shopping. Many store personnel seem to view every child as a potential source of trouble. Children are tolerated – as long as thy are perfectly quiet, don’t touch anything, and don’t look as though they’ll hurt themselves….
At those times when something does need to be said about a child’s behavior in public, it is likely to be done in a harsh, impatient, and disapproving tone. Yet adults, too, sometimes behave inappropriately in public – smoking in a non-smoking area, for example. If an adult is corrected at all, such a request is usually made with the utmost cordiality. Do adults deserve more consideration than children do?
When I was working retail, I had to, on occasion, deal with a young child who had wandered away from her parents and was doing something like pulling all the seam binding off the shelves. As a mom myself, I decided to simply treat those children the way I’d want someone to treat Wally. “Oops! Let’s leave those on the shelves, OK? Here, can you put that back here? Oh, thank you!” or “Hey, guys, we can’t really be playing on the ladder. See this sign? It says ‘this ladder is for employees only.’ Thanks, guys.” I mean, usually, children are so floored by a total stranger giving them directions, that they just wordlessly comply. Only once did I have to seek out the parents.
Many times, a young child would have had it with the fabric store after 45 minutes or so, and by the time they’d reach the cutting table, they’d be upset and the parents would be upset, too. I usually tried talking gently to the child, “These fabric stores just aren’t any fun for kids, are they? You’ve been so patient this whole time, but it’s hard to be patient any longer, isn’t it? Would it help if I let you look at this for a minute?” Meanwhile, many of the younger employees were busy badmouthing the parents for not being able to keep their kid quiet… sigh.
But, see, we CAN treat children kindly, and they often respond BETTER than when they are treated harshly.
THANK YOU! Well said.
I thought Kunert’s rant was way out of line but I have long since stopped responding or posting on her blog. She gets paid for traffic to it and I’m not going to contribute to her profiting off her wicked and tacky advice (did you read her bit on ferberizing?).
Native Americans believed that children should be a part of everyone’s everyday life and that is how they learn to be human. AT ISU, I had a professor who welcomed Lil’Bug into her classroom despite the many disruptions she caused. Eventually everyone just accepted it and moved on and the class was awesome.
Children should not be separated from their parents; shopping, cooking, socializing, etc are all part of learning to be human and how else will they learn? I’ve actually quit going to groups who have (newly) instituted policies of no children, parents only. Not my kind of group, thank you.
I had my toddler at Border’s last year, and we were waiting in a fairly long line at the cash register. He kept going over to the greeting cards, pulling one off the shelf, and bringing it to me. I kept saying, “Thank you, Philip!” Then, when I got close enough to the shelves, I just put the cards back in their places. It was a little game that kept him entertained and smiling.
When I got to the cash register, the young woman commented that she admired the way I handled my toddler. She must see frustrated parents all day yelling at their kids to stop touching things in the store. Meanwhile, the kids are probably tired and bored from waiting around while their parents browsed.
I agree with you, we’ve all been that frazzled parent who yells at the kid in public. It is so important not to judge harshly in those situations.