And here I am, running right into my same problem. I want to be relaxed. I’m not. I was. I’m happy about that. Once the kidney problem stopped being such an issue, I had about three weeks there where I really didn’t have a care in the world.
Then the fair. Lots of pain. And since then, I’ve been out of alignment and then I found out my hemoglobin is really low and now I’m worried about two things which I tell myself are silly, but might not be.
1) my kidney or something is bleeding internally, causing the low hemoglobin. (I mean, unlikely, right?)
2) I’m having premature labor.
#1 is just not worth talking about. It’s highly unlikely.
#2, I mean, I’m not. But it IS something I’m at risk for. And I seem to have all the symptoms, but yet I’m certain it’s not actually premature labor. Leaking fluid – well, I’m sure it’s not amniotic fluid, but I sure am leaking from that area. Drip drip drip drip. So there’s the little thread of doubt – “but, Sarah, how do you know it’s not amniotic fluid?” Truth? I don’t. Achy lower back. Yes, have that. More likely related to cleaning the tool room and spending too much time hunched over my sewing desk. And yet… Crampiness/contractions, yes. Sort of. It’s hard to distinguish a contraction from the baby moving around. And sometimes the baby moves around and it hurts like a mofo. WTH?
And, tonight, something I ate didn’t agree with me and I have an upset stomach. That is how I started labor with Wally.
And I don’t want to be one of those women. You know, those women. The “I think I’m in labor” 100 times women.
I was so proud of myself with Wally, I had several episodes of regular contractions, but each time I really knew it was NOT labor and did not get worked up about it. Even when I was actually in labor, I didn’t really believe it. Something tells me this time will not be like that.
I hate how I’m different now. I hate that I hate myself for it.