I have been mulling this over for quite some time. I need a word, and I can’t come up with the right one. It’s not jealous. or envious. It’s a step below that. It’s being happy for other people, admiring what they’re doing, somewhat wishing I could be doing it, but being perfectly happy and content with where I am, and recognizing that their activities, as great as they seem, are not an ideal match for me at this time.
I’m trying to go to great lengths to explain why it’s not jealousy. I really do not wish it were me.
There’s Sara with her travel around the country in their RV for the past year. That would be a lot of fun, and it sounds as though it was edifying for her family as well as others. Our family plans to travel at some point, but this is not that point. But in the meantime, it’s been fun reading about Sara’s travels.
There’s Abby with her small farm. Which would be so much fun, I love listening to her talk chickens and crops and horses and such. Totally not something I’d be successful at, but it’s fun to imagine that I would be when I hear her talk about it with such enthusiasm. Abby also cooks wonderful meals, which I am envious of.
And now MamaP (I’m not sure how eager she is to have me use her real name…) has bought an acreage in southern Iowa and is posting endlessly about their plans for it. (I use the word endlessly in a “and I really love reading about it” sense.) Bees and ponds and stargazing and animals and crops and wildcrafting. They’ve got a really neat farm down there, it sounds like, and I can’t wait for them to get settled and invite us over! She’s so excited about it, she’s making me excited about thinking about moving to a farm. Something I’d really love, but is so not right for our family.
Maybe it’s that the different parts of me enjoy living vicariously through these friends and their crazy adventures. I love that I know people who do such diverse things. I love that I have two friends who live on farms (or who will shortly). I love that I have friends who are not afraid to run out after their dreams.