Gay Marriage in Iowa

This feels kind of disorganized. It’s been bouncing around in my head for a while. And though I find myself with time to write this AM, I’m working on not enough sleep.

As many of you know, Iowa legalized gay marriage last week. Well, sort of. More on that later.

I know what most of you are thinking. “Sarah’s one of those lunatics/douchebags/idiots/haters/homophobes who’s against gay marriage.” More on that later.

I want to start in an unlikely place. The pro-tolerance people. I have been absolutely appalled at the words I hear or read coming out of some of those people’s mouths. Calling those they disagree with “liars.” Calling those they disagree with “haters” or “douchebags.” Nice. Be tolerant and open-minded, they urge. Be accepting of others!

Except, apparently, those who disagree with you. Then you can do whatever you want. sheesh.

Now, gay marriage being legal and my feelings on it. My main beef is with the WAY it was made legal. Personally, I would like a vote on the issue. To change the law, we’re supposed to VOTE on it. I have serious issues with activist judges changing the law as they see fit. The proper, IMO, way for this to happen was for it to come up for a vote in the legislature and go from there.

Additionally, I do not see how the state can be telling county recorders that they have to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, but they are forbidden from issuing licenses to parties of 3. I know many pro-gay-marriage folks say that comparing gay marriage to polygamy is dumb, but I don’t see how. The court’s opinion was that the law stating that marriage is between one man and one woman was not Constitutional. Therefore, marriage is no longer restricted to one man and one woman. Um, so if the definition is not limited to one man, one woman, why limit ourselves to two people?

I’m serious. Gay marriage advocates claim that heterosexual marriage is no “better” than gay marriage, so how can they legitimately claim that gay marriage is, in fact, “better” than polygamous marriages?

Salon.com agrees with me.

From what I’ve read, the arguments of the Iowa Supreme Court will work equally well to legalize polygamy or other poly- relationships. As the Court’s decision states, “This class of people asks a simple and direct question: How can a state premised on the constitutional principle equal protection justify exclusion of a class of Iowans from civil marriage?” And the next class of people to ask that question may be the additional wives and/or husbands of various poly- relationships. Eventually the institution of marriage as we have known it may no longer exist in any recognizable form.

I am only half joking when I say that Randy and I are going to find a Sister Wife and seek to get it legalized. Why not? (Honestly, if it weren’t so clearly against my religion, I can think of many benefits to such a relationship.)

Now, my personal opinion on gay marriage. I don’t give a crap. I don’t care one way or the other. I nearly donned a red shirt and went out yesterday with the protestors, though, after hateful comments on Facebook from some “friends” displaying their great levels of “tolerance” by calling the protestors idiots or some such.

But I just really don’t care. I was disappointed at the opinion, but in the end, I don’t care. I do not believe that homosexuality is right. The Bible’s pretty clear on that one. I can talk about homosexuality more later if I feel like it, but that’s not the point of THIS post.

I don’t care what the state thinks. The state thinks so many things that I disagree with, you know? This one was inevitable, anyway, and I don’t believe on wasting energy on losing battles.

I do think that it’s being overly rosy to say that this won’t affect children. First, study after study has shown that children do best when raised in two-parent man-and-woman homes. On the other hand, this has not prevented gay couples from raising children, even unmarried. That said, would I rather have them married? Hm. I don’t think it matters. I used to be more hardlined on the issue of being married. I think it’s important if you’re a Christian that you are married to someone before having sex with them or having children. If you’re not…do what you want. It’s not reasonable to hold nonbelievers up to the standards we believers are supposed to live up to.

Second, if you don’t think that this is going to seriously ramp up brainwashing efforts in school, you’re, um, ok…wrong. Because we all know that in school, they are a LOT like several of my Facebook friends. All in favor of “tolerance,” unless you’re talking about tolerating the beliefs, thoughts, or opinions of those less politically correct than you. That said, my kids won’t be in school, at least as long as homeschooling is still legal.

OK, now. I’ve read in several places recently (odd that it’s only been recently, but let’s give the benefit of the doubt and assume that it’s been discussed by the same people previously, too) that if we’re concerned about marriages in Iowa, we ought to make it harder to get divorced. I couldn’t agree more. I think we need to make it harder to get married in the first place, and then also make it harder to get divorced. (Though I think efforts in making it harder to get married could ultimately pay off by preventing bad marriages in the first place, I also recognize that those who most need this type of intervention are the least likely to heed it. Just like when Swing Des Moines offers classes in leading and following. Inevitably, those who need it don’t come, and our class is full of people who already do a pretty good job, or who are so conscientious that they’d eventually develop into excellent leaders and followers on their own.)

Last. Can we all agree that being against gay marriage doesn’t make one a homophobe? Believing that gay relationships are wrong does not make one a homophobe? I do not believe that homosexual sex is acceptable. If you do, that’s fine for you. I’m not going to stop someone from doing it. I will, however, be teaching my own children that it’s not acceptable. BUT I am not “afraid” of gays. I’m not going to pull that “several of my closest friends” line, but I certainly know gay people. They’re just people. Some of them are delightful. Some of them are annoying or offensive. Some are beautiful, some are homely (inside) (well, and out). I don’t hate gays. I just think that having sex with someone of your own gender is wrong.

I also don’t belive that sex outside of a marriage is acceptable. Yet nearly every person I know has had sex outside of marriage. I’m not afraid of them, either. The idea’s laughable, even. I don’t hate them. I don’t fear them. I just think that their actions are wrong. Big whoop. It obviously doesn’t bother them, so whatever. As long as they’re not going around saying that Christ said to Love Everyone, so that’s what they’re doing, it’s not my business. (and, no, this isn’t being judgemental. this is being discerning. judgemental would be if I brought it up or went out of my way to make sure that those who have had nonmarital sex knew that I thought their actions were wrong, and assuming in doing so that they have to follow the same set of values and morals that I follow.)

And now for the totally ludicrous. The Register claims that this will be an economic boon to the state. Yeah, people are FLOCKING to Iowa to get married. Want an economic boom?? Legalize prostitution.

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4 responses to “Gay Marriage in Iowa

  1. I have often thought it would be so great to have a sister wife. Wouldn’t mind at all at times giving my husband permission to spend the night with his other wife. The help would be great, too. I’ve read a lot of books on the subject recently (out of curiosity, not actually looking for a second wife) and everything I read says it doesn’t work. Almost everyone who lives it is miserable. Even those born into polygamous religions who are committed to the principle suffer. I’m sure this probably isn’t true with certain highly evolved individuals who possess adult-level communication skills, but that’s not the majority. Bummer.

    Re: judgement. I feel “judgemental” would mean treating someone differently because of their beliefs and choices. I can disagree, disapprove, and even think someone is wrong, but I don’t treat them differently. That would be judgemental, in my opinion.

  2. Hm, I feel like I would call that something else, but can’t think of the word I’d use right now, so let’s call it judgemental.

    Interesting that polygamy doesn’t work. Everything I’ve read (um, limited) about “open” relationships has indicated that it doesn’t work, as well. Jealousy, etc.

    I think what I’m really looking for is a servant or a free housekeeper/childcare provider. Maybe a duplicate of myself, so that one of me can work and one of me can take care of the house and then we can both relax together in the afternoons.

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