Shopping for Jeans. Yeah, so I’m skinny, right? And so I hear from people all the time about how nice it must be to go clothes shopping. What?
I guess if I were a whore, maybe. Whore seems to be the style lately, and is why I’m in the predicament I’m in- I haven’t bought jeans for so long because, well, I’m not a whore.
PS, I spied stirrup pants in Old Navy today. What’s up with that? I even gasped aloud and said something totally involuntary like “holy crap, those are stirrup pants! What’s up with that?” and then noticed after it came out that there was a woman honestly looking through them for her size. Oops.
Anyway. I have one pair of jeans that look at all decent on me. They’re boys 16s with the waist cinched in a bit with the handy Adjustable Waist feature, from Oshkosh when that store closed out at Jordan Creek, what, 4 years ago? There’s a hole developing in the crotch and another in the knee. The other pair I used to wear developed fatal holes this spring. They were 1 longs from Abercrombie, handed down from my niece.
I threw on another pair from my closet for class last night and then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror during class. Um, I think those jeans were from early marriage, and are easily 10 years old. Holy out of style. And they didn’t fit me very well, either. Ick.
So. My requirements for jeans. Comfortable, waistline at my actual waist, long enough, not tight at the thighs, I don’t mind a bit of flare, but no hug the thighs, then super flare out at the bottom, and also I don’t want to spend more than about $30. So that wipes out most of the mall stores. (I wear skirts 90% of the time, so it doesn’t make sense to spend so much money on a pair of jeans I’m not going to wear that much.)
We started at Sears in the boys department, I was actually looking for a sweatshirt for Wally for his halloween costume (found it). But I checked out the jeans while I was there. Surprised to find that not all boys jeans have the adjustable waist. With a nonadjustable waist, I need to go down to 14 or 12 to fit around the waist, but then they’re far, far too short. I found adjustable waist 16s, but they were still about an inch too short. No adjustable waist 18s.
We popped over to the girls department, but the jeans were all fit-and-flare and, um, no. Plus, I was surprised to find how much flimsier girls jeans are than boys jeans. Boys jeans are very sturdy.
But I did find out something that might change my life. Sears has this program where, if you buy kids pants and they develop a hole, you can bring them back for a new pair. Same size, same manufacturer. Holy crap. I went back to look again – because it would be awesome to never have to pay for jeans again. But, they just didnt’ have what I needed in stock. But I’m thinking this might be an awesome new plan for my kids, too. I can buy Wally jeans, hand them down to Liv, pass along to Asher, and back to Genna, and by then they should be plenty worn out, and poof, we can go get new jeans. (Yes, I’m using Abby’s kids to get my own kid new pants. I’m shameless.)
So from there, we hit Old Navy. Old Navy has no pants for me in the women’s section. They have three basic styles, none of them are me. Waists too low, thighs too tight. Boys section, the 16s were again too short. At this point, I’m starting to lose hope.
Children’s Place was our next stop. Boys pants only up to 14. No way.
On to Target. Target has a limit of 6 items in the dressing room, even if there’s three of you, even if two of you are trying on clothes and one of you is 5 and can’t be in a dressing room by himself (because he’ll NEVER change his clothes). Six items. Never mind that the changing room attendant was too busy chatting on the phone to even notice if I carted the whole store in there, I made the mistake of telling her I had 7 items, and she wouldn’t let me in.
But I tried some women’s jeans at Target. The higher waisted versions (called “midwaist”) weren’t overly whore-ish, but the 2s, the smallest size they had, I could have easily bought for post-partum, or even early pregnancy. They were SO big. SO big. I really think they’re cut wrong, because I”m really not smaller than a 2. But I was surprised that at least one pair I tried on had a Tummy Control Panel. Hello, they’re a size 2, and a big 2 at that. Tummy control panel totally not necessary there.
Tried some girls 16s, which were nice, actually – fit well through the legs and in the length. But I could have worn then at about 6 months into a pregnancy. They were cut just like maternity pants, too. What’s up with that?
But the boys 16s. Perfect. Rise is just right. Length is good. I walked out of there with two pairs and spent $24. Gotta love it.