Two things have converged a little.
First, my growing disgust with people whose blogs claim to reflect a real existence, but don’t. I know two such bloggers in person and know of many more which are a bit more “famous.” I have recently unsubscribed from several, including SouleMama, because I seriously can’t handle it any more. I’m sorry, but NOBODY has a life like that. Nobody.
Along with that (but still bullet point number 1) is my growing disgust with the ridiculous hero worship. Putting someone on a pedestal for having an awesome fantasy life is the ultimate in ridiculousness. I seriously cannot handle it any more.
Merging with that is a recent need to “confess” your not-so-holistic aspects. I really had a hard time coming up with something I could “confess” because I don’t feel that I really have anything that I hide. I do what I do, and I don’t do what I don’t do. Some things I have good reasons for, some things I don’t. But I don’t hide anything. We eat McDonald’s sometimes. So what? We eat a few things organic, but not even a majority any more. We watch TV. I mean, I don’t hide these things.
And I’m tired of even holistic parents rolling their eyes at things like EC, or extended breastfeeding. I mean, you’d think the ONE place I’d get support for things like having my 7 year old still sleeping in my bed (because that’s where we all sleep best) and nursing occasionally (because he wants to and so what), but no. *sigh* whatever.
And then, combining with my recent upsetness over the whole “me time” thing, we have my midwife appointment today, where the first thing I was asked was if I was getting any alone time today. Um… well, I’m here by myself. I mean, that counts in my book. Apparently not what she was thinking of. And then later, do I make time for yoga? No. Being honest, I said that finding time to do yoga right now would stress me out to the point of zeroing out any benefit. Oh, you can’t do it with your kids? No. I actually don’t have that much “hanging out” time with my kids, and when I do, we try to do things THEY want to do. Plus, I can’t think of anything less relaxing than yoga with Genna. Oh, then, you can’t do it together as a family? All of us? When??? When would we do that? Monday night is alternating family night and time alone with one kid night. So I guess every other Monday night after dinner? Tuesday night is Kung Fu, then dinner, then usually bed. Wednesday night we’re with friends. Not doing yoga. Thursday is Kung Fu, then my work night. Friday we have varying activities, so I guess every third Friday or so?
So, yeah. NO.
So because I’m so frustrated with all the crap so far this week and it is only TUESDAY, let’s have a honest look at my daily life.
Every Day: Get up around 7, wash dishes, do some cleaning, make breakfast. Kids up, eat breakfast, start school. School approx 8 until approx. 12. Short breaks for chores, dressing, etc. I also finish cleaning, do my internet stuff, do any blogging, etc. during school time.
Then as soon as lunch is over, I go down to work. On afternoons we’re home, I work 1-4:30 or 5:00. I take a break for a snack. I am interrupted frequently by littles. Yes, I must work about 4 hours 5 days a week plus late on Thursday night to keep orders moving in a timely fashion, to keep inventory on the shelves, to take care of government regulation related issues (grrr), and to handle all the other details of a business.
At 4:30 or 5:00 I come upstairs and either make dinner, help with dinner, or clean up the school room before dinner. Or, on Kung Fu nights, I spend time with Genna, or do school planning, or more often than not, I am back down in my office taking care of emails and paperwork. Or I pay bills, or do any number of the things needed to keep a household running.
Then we eat dinner. I’ve already discussed our evening schedule.
It’s not that we’re overscheduled or particularly busy. It’s that I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN. It takes time. I don’t ship my kids off to school. THAT takes time.
What DON’T I have time for?
– Friends. I mean, I have some friends. I don’t have a lot of friends. I don’t have a large circle. When my midwife tells me to look for support from my “village,” I kind of chuckle because my village is quite small and mostly all also pregnant and homeschooling. We’re not a group with time on our hands. We don’t hang out a lot.
– Craft projects for me.
– Thrifting. I used to, but I don’t now.
– Being in a play
– A myriad of other things that I can’t even list.
I actually have been recently telling myself that I need to be more honest about money. I need to stop saying that I can’t afford something and say the truth – that is not how I choose to spend my money. I should do that with time, too. It’s not that I don’t have time, but that’s not how I choose to spend my time. Because I do have a choice. I could choose to half-ass my way through homeschool, or I could choose to put less time into Wallypop, have orders go out more slowly, and have markedly decreased sales from depleted inventory. But I choose to be responsible instead, lol.