How we Talk

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the call to be in the world but not of the world, and how a Christian ought to behave in various situations. I’m not always the best example. I have issues with my mouth, that is for sure. But I try to learn from my mistakes, and to ask for forgiveness when I slip.

One thing in particular that’s been tugging at my mind lately is how Christians talk – particularly how we talk about others.

In reading about this topic this week, I found a few interesting links:

What the Bible Says about Gossip.

Gossip is also a way we judge others, which really isn’t our job. God is in charge of judging people, not us. Gossip really only ends up creating greed, hate, envy, murder.

Gossip is also a sign that we are not really active in our faith and in our lives. If you think about it, the busier we are, the less time we have to gossip. We no longer have the time to get wrapped up in someone else’s life. Gossip is bred out of boredom.

That bold part is what really struck me, particularly thinking about everybody’s favorite format in which to gossip: Facebook. I don’t think it’s true that Facebook time comes out of boredom, but it is certainly true that if you’re busy with meaningful tasks, you will have less time to gossip – whether on Facebook or off. This might explain why gossip became something I really stopped struggling with once I quit my job. Lordy, were we able to fill our downtimes with office gossip. 🙂  I just don’t have that kind of down time these days.

I personally work hard to keep private conversations private. Even if conversations contain nothing particularly secret… if I’m talking to one person about something, it’s really not my place to turn around and tell someone else about our conversation. I’m hardly a private person – but I do really try to show others that I value them by not spreading the details – even if mundane – of our conversations.

Yes, there is always temptation to stick our noses into the business of others. Everyone likes to be “in the know,” to be up on the latest, to be seen as important and having important information – but is that the call of the Christian? To fill that role? I’m not so sure.

 

…Talk like a Christian.

Every tree is known by its fruit. As Christians we claim that our lives are samples of changed people accomplished by Christ. How then is our fruit?

Jesus Himself says that our words are an index to our heart, either vindicating or condemning us. Our words present the character of our thoughts. They do this accurately. We may talk much or but little, yet how we communicate with each other reveals the true measure of our experience.

Jesus said that “those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart” (Matthew 15:18). In short, what comes out is linked to the inside.

(snip)

 

Likewise, the words that proceed forth and come out of our heart show without fail what is in our heart. In this sense, your mouth cannot lie. It tells more about your character than you have realized. That which comes out of the heart defiles the man.

James adds, “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain” (James 1:26). Empty religion refuses to bridle the mouth. Ironically then, it turns out to be mostly talk and very little action. There is enough talk to pass oneself off—superficially—as religious. But the refusal to bridle the mouth is a refusal to exercise self-control. In the early church the premium was placed on right doing.

 

oof. “Hi, Sarah. I have a message for you. Shut Yer Trap! Love, God.”

 

Dealing with Difficult People

This is the situation where I run into the most trouble, and I’d bet you do, too. This link was an interesting read and I personally thought – while there was nothing ground breaking – it was a nice reminder. 🙂 Particularly this one:

You are accountable to God for your own actions. You cannot control what the other person does, but you can control how you respond. They too will be accountable for their actions, but not to you. They are accountable to God.

I need to work on this with my kids, too, I think. I feel like I say this to them a LOT.

Let’s review our You’re So Vain policy

You’re so Vain, you probably think this song is about you…

Alright, i generally can’t stand Steve Deace. Sometimes, yes. Mostly, no.

But his radio show has a little audio promo clip they play that includes the phrase “If you have to ask… it’s about you.”

That goes for this blog, too. If you have to ask… then it IS about you.

Whether it really was intended to be about you or not. Because if you THINK it’s about you, it’s probably because you see yourself in whatever I’m writing about.

I have, at times, not posted on topics, or changed what I was going to say significantly, because I was trying to avoid having certain people assume I was talking about them when I wasn’t. But, you know what, I’m done with that.
If you think that something I write is about you, then it is.
.

How we respond

There’s a situation in my life that makes me sad. A person I used to be friends with turned on me one day. There was an event, I was involved only on the edges. I do not believe that I actually ever did anything to this person, but she is evidently angry or… something. And has been. It’s been, hm, 2 or 3 years? I can’t remember.

This person reminds me so, so much of my mom when she was really struggling with her mental illness, and I honestly find that I’m yet again unable to really respond well, just as I was never able to figure out how to deal with my mom.

I don’t really ever talk about this situation, because I don’t think it’s anybody’s business. I try not to gossip, and I believe private conversations need to stay private. I know the other person doesn’t share my discretion, and discusses it freely, though a bit skewed. That’s certainly her prerogative.

My personal failing in this situation is that I allow this person to get under my skin. I allow her to push my buttons. Particularly when I’m already stressed about other things, like worrying about my son’s life.

This person’s harassment of me has ratcheted up a lot lately, starting approximately the day before Teddy’s transplant was scheduled. I don’t think it’s coincidental. Knowing I’m already at about my maximum coping level, she turned on the screws.

And I’m ashamed to say that I responded poorly.

My big personal weakness is exploding verbally when pushed too far, and I let this person push my buttons, and responded somewhat angrily on my Facebook page. (without names – I’m at least classier than that.)

I know I need to work on this. I really really regret responding in the way that I did. I’ve generally been able to let this person’s attacks against me and my business (I’ve heard from more than one person that this person has told them that she wants to make my business fail) roll off my back, more or less. It’s not an excuse, but the stress of getting ready for the transplant, then having it cancelled, and worrying that there was something wrong with his liver also, and the worry that his minute amount of remaining kidney function could give out at any second…. combined with the constant vomiting I deal with, the absolute lack of sleep (since we got home from the hospital 3 weeks ago, Teddy’s not gone to sleep earlier than midnight, usually closer to 1, and is up 2-3 times during the night vomiting and/or crying, and I get up at 5 to pump and start day feeds and meds), and a few other issues I don’t wish to discuss… it just was too much.

But I can’t let stress be an excuse. I’m back in a place today where I can see this person for what she is – and it makes me very sad. I hope I’m back to seeing her as our Savior sees her – with love and compassion, not with anger and a desire for revenge.

Do I want this person’s attacks against me to stop? Yes, I do. I’m trying to work through the difficult decision of whether to pursue legal action at this time, and whether that’s a very Christian thing to do. The attacks MUST stop. I’ve done what I can do without taking legal steps and it’s not working. I just don’t know…

But I am declaring publicly here, to my 2.3 readers, that I’m going to try to stop letting her push my buttons. No more responses. 🙂 There are far, far more important things in life than worrying about what one person says or does.

I’ve also, incidentally, decided to step down from my admin role at the Babywearing and Cloth Diapering group. This person has been using that group as another way to get at me – and I do not doubt that she will continue to use it as a forum to achieve her mission of causing my business to fail – but the resultant drama was affecting the other admins and the members there in a negative way, and I care too much about our community to allow my presence to continue causing damage and hurt. If I can help the group as a whole by walking away, then that’s what I’ll do.

That’s all! Pray for me! I’ve been stuck in my I’m-calm-and-then-I-scream-my-head-off rut for a loooooong looooooong time… ’twill be nice to master it, but will take a lot of work. Happily, I strongly feel God’s encouragement on this step. If I can trust him with my son, I can trust him with my personality issues. 🙂