I’m turning over a new leaf.
I’m going to try to get back to being the person who didn’t focus so much on the downside. Who enjoyed life a bit more. Who isn’t just bogged down with the 10 thousand tiny details of my life. Who focuses on the blessings God’s given her.
But I’m not going wholly over to Little Miss Sunshine. That’s not me and that’s not real and I’m not going to create a new fake me. I know people who have done this and it makes me ill. I don’t have the stamina for that crap. I have no interest in creating a pretty picture and keeping the real me deeply buried. I want to be real, because that’s a) honest and b) the only way to actually create meaningful relationships.
So hopefully, you’ll start seeing me, but better. The Me that you might have known if you’d known me several years ago. The Me that you’ll find if you page back through this blog a few years.
Realistic but maybe not so grumpy. (or, you know, Grumpy Pants, as people claiming to be my friends have called me behind my back.) (And I’d challenge you to live my life for the last 2.5 years and NOT come out more than a little frazzled and grumpy. Shit, just simply not sleeping as much as I’ve not slept for 2 years will make a person grumpy, let alone all the crap.)
I’m also seriously going back to being the person who does NOT feel she needs to keep an eye on *certain situations* just in case. I’m confident at this point that if I need to know something, someone will let me know. It’s better for everyone if I just don’t look at the constant stream of negativity and cut-downs. Definitely better for me, and hopefully, since I lack the self-restraint to not mention the crap to others, also better for everyone. And better for the *certain situation.* 🙂
But that’s relevant here because not seeing a constant stream of negative comments about me will help me in my Turning Over The New (or is it old??) Leaf Venture.