Part of the motivation behind my New Leaf is that I think I might finally be getting past the hump with Teddy. The calm break we finally had Jan thru Marchish (well, the break from being inpatient, anyway), and the relative stability since the transplant have done wonders for my mental health.
(and physical health – my troublesome heart symptoms have disappeared.)
I remember when we were in the NICU – and also much later – talking to other moms who had been at this medical needs parenting thing longer than I had about how long it took to get past the… I don’t know… the induction phase, to borrow from transplant-ese. And it was always much longer than I thought/hoped.
But, I think I’m there. To borrow from Churchill, it’s not the beginning of the end, but it might be the end of the beginning. 🙂
As evidence that it might actually be possible to find the old me again, I present… A Very Mean Message.
I received notice that I’d received a message that was probably going to turn out to be pretty mean quite a while back. It was P.Txp. (haha – pre transplant) I didn’t read it, and then forgot about it, actually. Found it again recently. Decided to read it.
It was mean and personal and meant to attack.
I was not bothered. I actually didn’t even tell anyone about it (until now, of course). It didn’t make me mad, or upset. What it did do was make me sad for the person who sent it. I prayed for them a bit.
It took me until Sunday’s Mindless Tasks Thinking Time to realize how awesome that was. The New SN Mom/Stressed Out/Overwhelmed me would have either been depressed at the message, or furious. Forgiveness, prayer, and sympathy for the sender would have been nearly out of the question. To suddenly realize that those were my FIRST reactions once again…
So, see? Progress.